Humanistic Integrative Counselling employs a number of tools to enhance the quality of the therapeutic connection between client and counselor. An integrative counsellor realizes that he cannot use the same counselling techniques on every client, as each client is a unique individual and has individual emotional needs.

It is necessary for an integrative counselor to work with a model that helps define the nature of the association that they are to build with their client. One such model is known as Clarkson's 5 Relationship model. In this model, Petruska Clarkson has put forward five counselling relationships that if used correctly, will strengthen the client-therapist bond, allowing it to help in the healing process of therapy. They are as follows:

1. The Working Alliance pertains to the contract that is initially drawn up and agreed upon between the counselor and client. It includes terms and conditions regarding the payment terms agreed upon, the frequency of therapy sessions, the purpose and goals of therapy and the extent of confidentiality.

2. The Transferential Relationship exists between a client and a therapist when either of them associate the other with somebody else; e.g. a parent, a friend, sibling, relative, an old romantic interest, etc. and feel as though they are speaking to or listening to that individual. Such a rapport at times can be beneficial for the client if it helps them in the healing process. The therapist has to however maintain the professionalism required of the client-therapist relation as the therapist cannot just literally take up the role of, let's say, a parent or spouse in the clients life.

3. The Reparative Relationship is one in which the client feels an emotionally nurturing bond between himself and his therapist. When the client-therapist bond is such that a client feels safe and cared for with the therapist; and when the association gives comfort and healing to the client it could also be called a re-parenting relationship as it helps heal and repair emotional deficiencies and traumas caused during childhood.

4. The "Real" or "Person-to-Person"Relationship is when the client-therapist relationship becomes so strong that the client does not have any inhibitions of disclosing his true feelings and thoughts before the therapist. Basically, in our day to day lives we are used to wearing a façade so as to be the kind of person that people and society would approve of and accept. In order to heal, it is necessary that one does away with such masks of unrealism and that the client feels confident and secure enough to reveal his real personality and thoughts.

5. The Transpersonal Relationship is related to spirituality, faith, life values and meaning. This kind of bonding is said to exist when there is a spiritual or psychic sort of exchange between the therapist and client. It's about moments when things suddenly click, or there is a magical kind of coincidence, sometimes a moment of truth, understanding and realization. This kind of bonding is slightly complicated as there could be times when it could be experienced by only one of the two; client or therapist but not by the other.

LIFELONG learning is the practice of any person on the quest of wisdom. One of life's hardest lessons is dealing with the many interpersonal hurts that come from a life of care. And overcoming the commensurate bitterness that we are bound to struggle with is our task. The more we care about situations and persons that impinge us, the harder the hurt, the deeper the bitterness to wrestle with.

Yet, we all have the same opportunities in front of us - to heal.

Here are some of the things I've learned about forgiveness; some of which have been recent learnings or re-learnings:

1. Do resolve bitterness. Bitterness is a veil. As long as we are bitter we cannot hope to see the complete perspective of truth. As long as we can only see what the other side need to do we are not accountable for what we can do. Unless we wrestle with bitterness we will never forgive.

2. Don't do anything significant in the heat of the moment. No matter how wise it seems the 'other side' are a variable hard to predict. Restraint is advised when regret could be the distasteful part of valour.

3. Do be honest. This has to be the hardest thing. We either learn to see truthfully - which takes courageous and dignified humility - or we ought to give others permission to speak into our lives. The former is far more dignifying. But we need the latter, too.

4. Don't add to the other side's burden, or for that matter, anyone's burden. Too often I made the issue about them and brought them into it. And at times I've drained people because of the bad vibes I felt I needed to express. Find a sounding board who wants to be a sounding board.

5. Do keep short account regarding who you speak to and what you say. We can't trust everyone, and even some we think we can trust are not trustworthy. How naïve would you say you are? The more naïve we are the more cautious we need to be.

6. Don't force transformations that aren't there yet. Sometimes we try too hard to forgive and we just prove readier to become more hurt. We expose our vulnerability and we get slammed. Allow the temperature of the heart to rise gradually to meet the climate in the head. We cannot think our way into feeling differently - or not that quickly.

We are not ready to forgive until we are ready to love.

We are ready to forgive when love is all we care about.

Grace we receive in abundance from God,
Yet grace does not emanate from us the same way,
It's hard to love others,
Especially some sisters and brothers,
So we must always guard what we say.

***

Ever notice that some people tend to press our 'fury' button easier and more regularly than others? In all this is the reminder, "God's not finished with any of us yet."
Here are some reasons to exercise grace:

1. Understand, God's not finished in you: the tragic irony implicit in my lack of grace is that I'm further than ever from my Creator God in thinking I'm all finished and perfected enough in his sight to think that God's grace only has work in others to do.

2. Accept, God's not finished in them: if God's not finished in us how can we expect that he's finished in them? How can we hold them to a higher standard? How can we even hold them to as high a standard as we hold ourselves to? No, we can best accept that God's grace is still refining them according to his plan and not our own.

3. Comprehend, God's not finished in the situation: how do we know how the situation might ultimately play out? Would we prefer to get in God's way and procure our own result because we haven't comprehended that our Lord's not finished working yet? Doing God's will is often about getting out of God's way.

4. Enjoy God's grace in you: we will rarely come even close to understanding the consummate value of God's grace in us - to experience his forgiveness and blessing. It can only be enjoyed; this sweeping sense of implicit compassion we never did deserve. When at last we can enjoy God's mercy, then, at last, we have the very best of love's life.

5. Admire God's grace in them: when we see how God's grace has resurrected another person, and we see their gifts for what they are, with no grip of envy, we are blessed to see them in God's finery. Sure, they have some known weaknesses, but just look at God's glory in them as they strut what only they do as their best.

6. Adore God's grace in the situation: many times, having zipped my lips, God has given me cause, later, to thank him for his grace in me to accept the situation as it was - even though, personally, I may have been livid. All I can say is, "Wow! - thank you for your wisdom operant in me, there, Lord!" Far from taking any credit, when we see how God's grace is already working we really can believe that God is so very good.

7. Remember the grace of the Father in Jesus Christ: in terms of grace, there is no measure, no datum, and no surer guide like the grace of the Father in his Son's crucifixion. If we can recall in a moment the calamitous sense of injustice in the cross, we can easily bear this marginal injustice before us.








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